So, this is why my One Little Word is habit. I want/need to create some better ones -- ones where I can clearly see that I am being successful on the things I really want to do with my life. Number one on my list of Things To Do is finishing my dissertation. True, I can scrap this and do the EdS with nobody being the wiser -- no one in my family really cares if I finish this degree anyway. I don't know if having the degree will help me get a higher paying job or just be Something I've Done. My issue of not finishing is an albatross--another way for me to talk bad about myself and how a "nothing" kind of person I am.What is it about not being able to focus and succeed in something that you've always succeeded at that makes you automatically equate it with character flaws??
I've learned a lot about myself these last four years of trying to finish this degree. One, I let cancer traumatize my life. Although I finished treatment in 2013, and have been clear of cancer since, I'm basically suffering from PTSD every day I wake up. My body sucker-punched me and laughed in my face and didn't care if I had kids or Things To Do. I pretty much feel like one of my favorite ELA researchers, Kylene Beers, when she said in a blog post about her cancer journey, "I didn’t look normal. I couldn’t be loved. I wasn’t sure who I was any more." (Beers, 2017). Even being better, something still doesn't feel quite right. But, I've let this beat me for too long, and it's time to be AC Steph ("after cancer"), not CD Steph ("cancer diagnosis).
Two, I have stopped making sure I write every day. This part is connected to Learning Number One, but still an important aspect of my poor habits. Since I've stopped writing every day, my writing instruction has suffered. I've stopped having my students learn about themselves as writers, and I haven't followed through with teaching the writing process. We still write, but I don't give feedback, and I hardly ever write with them anymore.
Three, I see technology use in schools everywhere I look -- and it's like trying to catch water. The tech just doesn't seem to stick and the teachers I work with don't try new things with technology. The district leaders don't push us to plan higher-level lessons with technology. My BFF co-teacher who used to play with tech with me has left, and there is no replacement. So I'm in this smelly, rat-and-cockroach-infested building trying to figure out how to get my freshmen and sophomore ELA students to love and use tech as much as possible. And by tech, I mean creating something new --like making their own memes instead of just stealing/plagiarizing what some other person has posted.Lastly, I do not have habits that empower me to create a workflow conducive to working independently. Meaning I complete tasks mindlessly, without regard to the end goal. In his book, The Power of Habit, Duhigg (2012) says, "This is the real power of habit: the insight that your habits are what you choose them to be." I've apparently chosen wrongly.
So, this is why my word for the year is HABIT. The more I can be mindful of how I'm spending my time, writing a little each day, and celebrating my changes, the better able I'll be to complete the activities that matter to me.
And finally -- FINALLY -- beat cancer.
References
Beers, K. (2017, March 14). How cancer helped me find my superficial self. Retrieved from
http://kylenebeers.com/blog/2012/04/13/how-cancer-helped-me-find-my-superficial-self/
Duhigg, C. (2012). The power of habit: Why we do what we do in life and business. New York, NY:
Duhigg, C. (2012). The power of habit: Why we do what we do in life and business. New York, NY:
Random House.
Photos: https://www.photosforclass.com
Meme created at: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator
Photos: https://www.photosforclass.com
Meme created at: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator
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